the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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