Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
