When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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