Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
