i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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