He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
