You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
