You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
