just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
