windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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