I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
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