hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
