The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
