Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
