did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
