Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
