So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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