you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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