you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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