tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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