You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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