and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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