You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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