I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
