I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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