from now on my penis is your penis
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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