Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
