hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
