I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
