Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
