GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
