What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
