his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
