Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
