Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
