we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think your dad took our porno
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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