Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
