Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
