My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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