omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
