i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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