Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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