i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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