I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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