i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Alive.
So much puke
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Randomize
