You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
