So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
