I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
