he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
