she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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