i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
