I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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