he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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